Bible Talks - Sunday Night Church

Series: Matters of the Heart · Talk No. 1

A love stronger than death

Sunday, 12 March 2006

Neil Atwood

Song of Songs 1:2-4, 5:10-16, 6:4-9, 8:5-7 ESV or NIV

Notes: ↓ indicates progression of PowerPoint slides.
This talk looks at the Song of Songs in two ways: 1. as a general guide and encouragement to a biblical view of sexuality in relationships, and 2. as a reminder of the nature of the relationship between God and his people. Both are meant to be passionate and exclusive. The talk has a simple PowerPoint file to accompany it (see the text for prompts for the slides). Two clips from the TV shows “Scrubs” and “Sex And The City” have been ommitted from the MP3 for copyright reasons.

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Introduction

We are all familiar with the censor’s rating screens we see before TV shows, DVD’s, video and movies. ↓ ↓ ↓[black] They rate a program according to what kind of audience should view it.
The main three ratings we have are:
“PG” or “G” - suitable for a general audience
“M”, “MA” or “M15+”- for mature audiences 15+
“R” - this is for adults only
For PG and higher they will also list why it has been given that rating. Normally it will say things like:
Adult Themes, Frequent Course Language, Medium Level Violence, etc.

But what would happen if the books of the Bible had a ‘ratings’ page in the front of every book or letter? You might find pages like this in your Bible: <↓3 slides then black> (comment on slides )
But there is one book in the Bible that would get the “M” rating for a different reason and that book is Song of Songs. ↓
This is the book where the censor would probably want to say: contains adult themes, sexual references, etc.
Here is a book about love, about deep, passionate love.
Right from the very opening words we are left in no doubt.
↓ [black]

1:2-4 “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.”
Here is a book that is unashamed in it’s dealing with the subject of love and sexuality. Here is a book that wants to sing the praises of the relationship between a man and a woman.

What is this book about???

Put your hand up if you’ve read "Song of Songs".
It is normally one of those short old testament books that is tucked away and lost in the middle of the Bible and rarely gets looked at.
But it is not just because of its length and position in the old testament that it gets overlooked. It is also overlooked because people aren’t sure what to do with it so they think its best to leave it alone. When you open it up and have a read through it the first thing that runs through your mind is this: What in the world is this book about???
Your first reaction on reading it might even be to feel a little embarrassed. When you read it you feel like you are prying into someone’s personal diary.
This sounds like the transcript of a conversation between two people who are deeply in love - and you might feel like you’re eavesdropping.
But this isn’t taped phone conversations of sleazy blond- spin bowler looking to cheat on his wife. This is not some kind of smutty conversation you’d get on a 1900 phone sex line.
This is two people who are deeply in love. And they are very open in talking about their love for each other.
Now if you have an NIV or ESV Bible you will notice that there are headings scattered through the book. You see the word lover and beloved or he and she. Those headings have been put in by the editors of the bibles and are based on the gender of the words used in the sentences.
From the gender you can gather if it is the man or the woman speaking. Where it says beloved we have the lady speaking to or about her man.
She says things like: 5:10-16

“My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. His arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires. His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.”

Where it says lover we have the man speaking to or about the lady. He says things like: 6:4-9 “You are beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem, majestic as troops with banners. Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from the washing. Each has its twin, not one of them is alone. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. Sixty queens there may be, and eighty concubines, and virgins beyond number; but my dove, my perfect one, is unique, the only daughter of her other, the favourite of the one who bore her. The maidens saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines praised her.”

You get the idea?
These two love each other: passionately… deeply… exclusively. Many of the things you read in this book may sound like the lines you would expect to read in a Mills and Boon novel or perhaps hear on the Days Of Our Lives. But when you take a closer look through Song Of Songs there are a whole lot of things in this book that at first glance may not sound like compliments.
Have a look at some of these:
1:9 - the man says his beloved looks like a horse
4:4 - she has a neck like the tower of David ↓
6:7 - he says she has a head shaped like a ↓ pomegranate
7:2 - he says she has a waist like a sack of wheat
7:4 - he says she has a nose like a tower

My personal favourite is the one we just read a moment ago.
The lover is describing his beloved and he says this about her dental work: “Your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from the washing. Each has its twin, not one of them is alone.” 6:6
It is almost the universal language of love - isn’t it? The way to a woman’s heart is to comment about her dental work!
It was especially observant of the man to notice that his beloved isn’t missing any teeth!
So, some of them may not sound like compliments but are probably statements about the persons character, rather than physical appearance. And regardless, we can certainly say that these two are in love, and there are some particular aspects of that love we should note:

Love…

…that is passionate.

This book fits into a category in the old testament we call wisdom literature. They are the books that deal with life issues – how to live wisely in God’s world.
The other books that fit that category are: Proverbs, Job, Ecclesiastes. And Song Of Songs fits right into that wisdom literature category because it deals with probably one of the most fundamental parts of life - it looks at the love between a man and a woman.
Now this book is no doubt different to the other wisdom literature. But while Solomon’s name may be in the title I think it is better to think it is a book about Solomon rather than a book by Solomon.
It is a book that gives us an insight into Solomon’s mistakes as king - but more about that later.
In some ways the point of the book is very simple: The love between a man and a woman is a wonderful thing!
You see that in every verse.
In fact you’re drawn in by the love and that these two have for each other. They’re talking about an intimacy in their relationship that some people may feel a little bit uncomfortable with - but an intimacy that you have to be impressed by – and a closeness that we would all like to have.

Some people think this book isn’t worthy of being in the Bible - that it is of such an explicitly erotic nature that Christians shouldn’t read it. But, with this series ‘Matters of the heart’ the goal is to examine this whole area of our lives in the light of the Bible and to be reminded that the topic of our relationships and sexual intimacy is not forbidden, but rather is one that begs to be placed in it’s right context.
And the fact is this book deals with one of the most precious aspects of creation - the intimacy that can exist between a man and a woman in a committed, faithful relationship.
And in doing so, it deals with a topic that in our society is often left to: discussions behind toilet blocks at school, articles in sealed sections in magazines for men or women only, late-night talk back radio with Dr feel-good or the ‘Love Doctor’, the adult section of the video shop. And so on.
But this is a subject that we shouldn’t be ashamed of.
God has made us as sexual beings. We have been designed to enjoy the sexual relationship that exists between a man and a woman. And Song Of Songs certainly has something to offer in that area.
The way that sex and sexuality is often dealt with in our society means that it has been cheapened. We are presented with a very different view from the one that God has, and one that is far removed from the pattern that God intended when he created the world. [‘Scrubs’ clip from episode ‘Sex buddies’ ]
As Christians we shouldn’t despise the capacity we have for sexual excitement and attraction. But we should enjoy the good gift that God has given us in the way that God intended it to be enjoyed.
Being passionately in love is not wrong. If nothing else we see that in Song Of Songs.
But it is also about a love that is:

… exclusive

This love is to be faithful and exclusive.
The love that the lover and beloved share in this book is not a one night fling that will be forgotten the next morning.
They are not bouncing from one partner to the next.
These two are exclusively devoted to each other.
Look at some of the comments that are made.
The lover says this about his beloved: 6:8-9 “Sixty queens there may be, and eighty concubines, and virgins beyond number; but my dove, my perfect one, is unique…”
The lover says that he is not interested in the queens or the concubines or the virgins (other women).
He has his beloved. He is committed to her.
If you know your old testament then you can see that the writer is having a dig at King Solomon here: Do you remember what happened to Solomon? He was the man who had 700 wives and 300 concubines. And because many of his wives were foreigners who worshipped other gods, Solomon fell away from his own relationship with God.
But the high point of the Song Of Songs comes in chapter 8. The beloved makes this impassioned statement: 8:6-7 “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.”
This is an exclusive commitment that is being made here.
The lover and the beloved will be bound to each other by the seal - with a love that is as permanent as death - with a jealousy that is as unyielding as the grave.
We are talking about a life-long commitment.
We are talking about a lasting and total commitment.
What Song Of Songs wants to show is that true love is only going to be fond in that context - in the context of an all-other-excluding commitment.

Again, I think that our society has been robbed of that idea - and in its place has substituted other ideas:
The idea of love that’s presented to us today is the Playboy role model or the Sex And The City example - the idea that sex is to be enjoyed whenever and however you can get it. ↓ [Sex And The City advert] We’re told that love is much the same thing as sex - if you find one you have found the other.
We're told that if you don't find true happiness in one partner then move on and find it in another.
We’re told that multiple partners is a reasonable thing in your pursuit of true happiness.

Think I’m exaggerating? Think about what you see on TV. Think about some of the shows on TV – mostly in family viewing time, before 9:30pm. What shows are on or have been on recently?
Home & Away, The OC, Will & Grace, Friends, and so on… With Sex and the city, the whole process has become a life-long, almost predatory process of desperately search for a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction. Consider this intro from a recent episode: [Sex-City clip]
Most of them are humorous shows. But there’s often an underlying thread, a sub-text that is screaming out “this is serious!” And all of them are shows that portray the idea that sex and love are found in multiple partners. Shop around - if one isn’t working then try to find what your looking for in someone else.
In fact the idea of sticking with one partner is often presented as being a boring thing to do. And we live in a society that agrees with those ideas.
We live in a society where Christians are being influenced and sucked in by that kind of thinking. And many Christians end up buying into the world’s attitude toward sex.
Twenty six years ago, in 1985 a Christian magazine in America called LEADERSHIP published the results of a survey called “The sex life of American Christians”. They surveyed 3,500 people that they described as “conservative evangelical Christian men and women”. They were asked about their attitudes to sex. On the basis of the answers they gave they were divided into groups:

1. Traditional - they said that the Bible guided their attitudes to sex and that premarital, extramarital and homosexual sex were not how god wanted us to live.
2. Relational - the believed that sex should be part of a loving relationship, but not necessarily a marriage relationship.
3. Recreational - believed that sex should be enjoyed for its own sake and was not connected to love.

The disturbing thing from that survey is that only 50% of the people surveyed were in the ‘traditional’ category. The other 50% were spread across the other 2 categories.
That means that 50% of these people who are described as ‘conservative evangelical’ Christians thought that sex outside of marriage was ok.
But in Song Of Songs we are presented with a very different view. In Song Of Songs we have a book that talks about love the way God intended it to be. It is not prudish or bashful about the subject. Love between a man and a woman is something that God gave us to enjoy. It is a wonderful thing for those who have it. It is a wonderful thing for a man and woman to share.
And an essential part of that love is faithfulness and exclusiveness. That is the way God intends relationships to work. [Break: turn to someone near you and share one or two TV shows or movies you’ve seen recently that have disturbed you in their portrayal of sex and relationships]

The Bride And Bridegroom

But is that all we learn from Song Of Songs?
Is it just a book about love?
Is it just a book about monogamous relationships?
Well no - I think we can take all this one step further.
There is a lesson here for us in our relationship with God.

It is not that there is some hidden meaning in Song Of Songs.
There is simply a logical deduction we can make from what this book says about relationships and the relationship we have with God.
Throughout the pages of the Old Testament we see that God compares his relationship with his people to the relationship between a husband and wife.
God says that he was like a husband to Israel. He loved them deeply. He was exclusively committed to them. You see it clearly in a book like Hosea.
God tells Hosea to go and marry a prostitute so that his life can be a living illustration of the way that Israel have treated God.
Israel have been repeatedly unfaithful.
God wants Hosea’s life to show that graphically to them.

At a very simple level we can say that the closeness and the intimacy that the lover and beloved have in the Song Of Songs is what God expects in the relationship he has with his people.
God expects his people to love him and he expects them to be passionate and exclusive in that love.
And we see the same kind of imagery used when we turn to the pages of the New Testament.
eg: Q. How is the relationship between Jesus & his church described in the New Testament?
A. It is described as that of a bride and bridegroom.
Q. What image does Paul use when he talks about the love that a husband and wife should have for each other?
A. He uses the image of Jesus and the church.

And that is the image that we see in heaven, too. Jesus - the bridegroom - is married to his bride - the church.
The bond that should exist between Jesus and those who are his people should be a strong as the bond that we see expressed in the Song of Songs.
It should be a love that is as strong as death. There should be a jealousy in that relationship, after all, we have seen the extent of Jesus' love for us - he was willing to go to the cross to die for us so that we could be his people.
You don’t get greater love than that.
And our love for him should be just as strong.

Song of Songs shows us the depth of the love that existed between these two people and from that we see the depth of love we should have for Jesus.
But Song of Songs also shows us that love for another person should be at the exclusion of all others - it is to be undivided and complete.
That too, is to be characteristic of our love for Jesus.
It is not to be a compromised love.
We must make sure that our hearts are not turned away from him.

Conclusion

Song of Songs is a magnificent book.
It reminds us of the love that God intended men and women to share. It reminds us that love between a man and a woman is a wonderful thing - it is what God intended for this world.
And as we move on into the rest of this short series, keep these basic but very powerful truths in mind.
But also as a husband, if you are here tonight as a husband then can I encourage you to make sure that you love your wife.
Make sure that you love her as Christ loves the church.
Make sure that she knows that she is loved.
Make sure that she knows that you are exclusively committed to her.
But more than that, Song of Songs gives us an illustration of the kind of love that we should have for Jesus.

• It is to be a sincere love.
• It is to be an exclusive love.

It is only when we are sincere and exclusive in our love for Jesus that we will know the depths of the relationship he has for us.

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