Bible Talks - Sunday Night Church
Series: 1 Corinthians · Talk No. 9
Spiritual Sexuality
Sunday, 05 December 2004
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According to the media in this country, the church is obsessed with sex. Even letters to the editor of the SMH and The Age pose the question: ‘why is the church always concerned with homosexuality/sex before marriage/gay bishops, or whatever?’ There are probably a number of reason why the media promotes this idea – but not least is the fact that the media itself is pretty obsessed with sex, because sex tends to sell more newspapers, magazines and air time.
And last week, Tim helped us understand the Corinthian’s obsession with sex, and how it was leading them into all sorts of difficulty.
If you remember, Paul was correcting the Corinthian’s misapprehension that rampant sexual activity was OK, because things of the body were literally nothing compared to spiritual things.
That artificial delineation was leading them into ungodly, very unhelpful and immoral behaviour.
Paul put them straight on the whole body/spiritual thing by arguing from the death and physical resurrection of Jesus.
But things don’t stop there. Remember that our chapter and paragraph breakdowns in the bible are pretty artificial, and so our reading tonight really should be read as flowing on from chapter six, without a break... from dealing with sexual immorality outside of marriage, to the whole issue of marriage, sexuality, singleness and divorce. All of which Paul talks about in a very open way in chapter 7.
And yet again, we have interesting parallels and contrasts between 1st century Corinth and 21st century Sydney...
But before we start we need to realise we're listening to one end of an unusual conversation.
A conversation that starts at the exact opposite end of the scale to where we are in 20th Century Australia.
We romanticise romance. We idolise marriage. Paul's writing to people who are doing the exact opposite. He's responding to the points they've raised in their previous letter. Which he says directly in verse 1. He says, now for the matters you wrote about. And what did they write? They wrote this:
It is good for a man not to marry.
Or more literally, in the ESV: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
So in the midst of all the immorality that's going on around them, the Corinthians have become the world's very first Catholics!
In the midst of all the sexual immorality in Corinth that's even creeping into the church, they've decided, the best remedy is that a man should have absolutely nothing to do with a woman. “It's best,” they say, “for a man just not to touch a woman.” Men on one side of the street, women on the other.
I mean, it's a time honoured idea. There's one bible college I know of that even up to the 1970s, when the students went to the local shopping centre, that's exactly what they did. Male students on one side of the street. Females on the other.
Or the doctrine that Catholic priests remain celibate - as if it's a virtue. The idea that grew through the centuries that Mary was a perpetual virgin. All go back to this kind of thinking: that it's good for a man not to touch a woman.
And I wonder if that's somewhere at the back of your own mind too. That sexuality is somehow less than Christian. That sexuality is part of the fallen world rather than the good creation?
The Corinthian end of conversation goes further. Case by case. And we can see Paul picks them off one at a time.
I think they go something like this:
surely Paul, they say, the most spiritual thing is for a man to have nothing to do with the body of a woman.
So if you're married… Seinfeld’s ‘Soup Nazi, becomes the ‘Sex Nazi’! “No sex for you!”
V2-5.
Surely Paul, they say, anyone unmarried, single people, widows, they should stay that way. Single, like you.
V8-9.
Surely Paul, Christians who are married, they should get out of it. Especially if you're married to an unbeliever. I mean, fancy having contact with a spouse who's not even a Christian.? Which Paul answers in v10-16.
And what if you're engaged? I mean, surely Paul, let's tell them to call it off while the going's good? Which is the question about betrothed virgins in v25; that he answers in v36-38.
Surely Paul… no matter what the situation… it's better by far to have nothing to do with sex.
Now what's the Apostle going to say to a proposition like that? Well, let's start with some advice to the married.
1. Advice to the Married (v2-5, v10-16)
a) Don't deprive
Now remember, the Corinthians start the ball rolling with this idea that it's good for a man not to touch a woman. Especially in the light of the sort of sexual immorality all around them in Corinth.
To which Paul simply says, no. Since there's so much immorality, he says, the best thing is actually to marry. Each man should have his own wife. And each woman her own husband. v2.
By which he's not so much saying everyone get married. But he’s starting the point he's about to go on with. That the best remedy for sexual immorality isn't to say don't touch your wife. But actually the opposite!
There are very knowledgeable and gifted theologians who feel that Paul is actually advocating a highly active sex life in a healthy marriage. Each husband with his own wife. And each wife with her own husband.
In fact, Peter Bolt, NT lecturer at Moore College has made this chapter in 1 Cor. something of a specialty of his, and he believes Paul is advocating a situation here for married couples where sex is the norm, and no sex a bit strange.
There are plenty of marriages that need to hear what Paul's saying here, but for very different reasons, because sexual activity in a marriage is often something of a barometer of the health of that marriage. When things start to cool in a marriage relationship, sex is often one of the first things to go.
It maybe tensions in the relationship. Of unresolved arguments. A power play. An angry wife using sexual contact as a bargaining chip. Or a husband who makes himself so busy with other things that intimacy is off the agenda.
All of which compounds the problems that are already there.
Paul says, don't withhold yourselves from one another. Especially not by dressing up a lack of sex as somehow being more spiritual. Because when you marry, he says, your bodies belong to each other.
Look at V3-4... “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
The husband should fulfil his ‘marital duty’ to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
The language is interesting and powerful here: The words that the ESV renders as ‘conjugal rights’ literally mean ‘the debt that you owe’. By comparison, the language our culture uses with regard to sex is as a ‘need’, a biological drive that needs satiating.
But v2-5 here don’t speak at all of need or even desire, but rather they speak of a gift and obligation.
But there's no sense here in which there's a license to insist on sex. But a reminder that if you're married, you've actually at the point of your marriage vows, given yourself. And so to withhold is actually a kind of fraud. Which is the strong word Paul actually uses in v5. Where he's literally saying, if you're married, don't defraud one another this way. Don’t rip each other off.... Except if you both agree about it, and you want to devote yourselves to prayer maybe. But one partner with-holding without the agreement of the other, he's saying it's like you've given something (at your marriage); and now you've taken it back - unfairly.
And so he says, if you're going to abstain, set limits. “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (v5, ESV)
Which Paul says isn't a command, but a concession.
If you Corinthians insist on abstaining, make sure it's limited. Because Paul knows exactly what human nature is like.
In fact, Peter Bolt has a theory about these verses. He says the reference to ‘prayer’ is quite specific. Many early members of Christians churches were converts from Judaism, and the reference to prayer could well mean the normal, early evening prayer time that many ‘Jewish-Christians’ still kept.
If that’s the case, Paul could be seen to be suggesting that any ‘abstinence’ from sexual activity should only be for the early evening – after that, anything goes! In other words, he could be seen to be suggesting that daily sex is the norm in a healthy marriage! That’s what you call an ‘interesting’ idea! And one that runs somewhat counter to the world’s opinion that Christianity is prudish and anti-sex.
And it is very much in keeping with the idea that the best remedy for sexual immorality, the best way to avoid being tempted by Satan in this area - if you're married - , is to give yourselves to one another fully…as you promised.
And Paul is saying this because the Corinthians, with all their idealism, are heading for trouble.
Which is why you have to agree with the psychologists who are saying that some of the problems in the Catholic church may not be quite so profound if it wasn't for the celibacy rules.
I mean, it's not rocket science.
Paul's been saying it right from the start. Maybe it's better to be realistic at this point instead of having the sort of spiritual ego that talks tough... but then fails.
Paul clearly says, I've got the gift of being single. But most people haven't. so don't make me your role model on this.
b) Don't separate
Now there's another word to the married here, which we'll jump to in v10. And again, it should be obvious, because it sounds like some of the Corinthians want to go even further than abstaining from sexual contact in their marriages. They want to actually separate - especially in the situation where you've become a Christian and your partner hasn't.
Of course, there are sects today that teach exactly that. And I guess if they're concerned that sexual contact is unspiritual, it's got to be that much worse with an unbelieving spouse? I mean, the Christian partner will be defiled, surely?
But Paul says, no, no, no!
They should know better, and the reason for that, is that Jesus himself said it. They should know that marriage vows are meant to be permanent. So v10. “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord):” IE: This is what Jesus said about divorce.
“the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”
Remember, he's talking to believers here. And saying especially to the Corinthians, this idea of splitting up - as if it's more spiritual - is just ridiculous. And to certainly not think if they do that, they can just change their mind later and marry someone else.
And what if you've become a Christian and your spouse not? Well, it’s still not justification for separating.
He says if you're worried the non-Christian's somehow going to defile you, it's actually the opposite. Because the unbeliever is sanctified by the believing partner, which means ‘set apart’, rather than the other way round. And they might in the end even be saved, who knows? So stay as you are.
That's what he's saying if you read v12-14.
Now, if the unbeliever leaves, v15, there's not much you can do about it. But other than that, stick with it.
Believing spouse or not, God calls us to live in peace, so be peaceful, always with the hope (in v16) that your unbelieving husband or wife might see something attractive about the change that becoming a Christian has brought about. How do you know, wife, whether you'll save your husband? Or husband… whether you'll save your wife?
Now I know this raises all sorts of issues, and for some of you it may well be talking about live issues that are painful. And you maybe need to think through carefully what Paul is saying.
But the bottom line is, be content. And stay as you are.
We'll come back to some conclusions in a few minutes. But lets turn for a moment to the unmarried, to singles, who Paul's got words for as well.
2. The Unmarried
I was reading the other day that if statistics keep following the same trend, in ten years time, a third of Australian adults will be single.
In other words, being single is something that's more and more common. Either by choice, with a lot of career oriented people. Or by circumstance. Only very occasionally, I guess, through the pressures Paul is highlighting here, where there are Christians saying it's more spiritual not to marry.
So we need to keep coming back and reminding ourselves about the other end of the conversation Paul's having with these Corinthian killjoys.
We're stepping back a little to v8. Where he says this. “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.” So if your life circumstances mean you're single, that's fine says Paul. I'm single as well. But if you're single and you're tempted by sexual immorality, says Paul, it's way better to be married.
Which isn't the most romantic reason you've ever heard to get married. But it may be very real. Because marriage is the right place for sexual expression.
Now to the unmarried and the widows, v8, I say this. It's good for them to stay unmarried as I am. But it's not a rule like the Corinthians want to turn it into. V9. but if they can't control themselves, they should marry, for it's better to marry than to burn with passion.
And again, you've got to remember Paul's not answering the issues that might be at the front of your mind if you're single.
I mean, he makes it sound so easy. You want to get married, you get married. Which in our Christian culture where Christian women far outnumber Christian men, just isn't necessarily easy at all, is it?
3. The Betrothed
And it’s the same in v25. Where he's again talking about singles. But in a context very different from ours. Now about the betrothed, or ‘virgins’ as the NIV says. Betrothed is a better word here, because while we still have virgins, we generally don’t have betrothals any more. In Paul’s context, it referred to being betrothed in childhood, and then waiting until she's old enough to marry. Kind of like engagement, but much longer.
So you've got these super spiritual anti-sex Corinthian types, they're saying if you're betrothed and you become a Christian, call it off.
Which Paul finally answers in v36-38. Do you call it off? Or don't you? And Paul says, well, there are some good reasons to call it off. And some good reasons not to. But in the end, do whatever you think is best.
V36. “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.”,
So, don't listen to anyone who says you shouldn't marry. When she comes of age, get married if you want to... And yet the other applies as well. If you don't want to, don't.
Now hopefully can you see that Paul is making the same point over and over. Sexuality is a good gift from God. Which the Corinthians are turning into something that's a matter of sin, and best avoided.
The Corinthians are wrong. But at the same time, there's a bigger issue, which brings it all together – the of perspective and contentment.
Take the Long View
Be content to stay as you are (v17-24)
Do you notice, in every example, there's a thread that runs right through? That even if our situation in 2004 is very different, still applies. There's a perspective here that we need to get hold of. Just as much now… as back then.
And that is, whatever situation you're in, be content with it. And do your best to serve the Lord Jesus.
Someone said recently that the current generation of under-25s should be called the 'options generation'. He says "This is the generation which has only ever known constant and turbulent change. They're determined to keep their options open. Their favourite question is 'What else is there?'." The young and the restless. Never content.
Paul wants Christians to be the opposite.
If you're unmarried, be content to stay unmarried. And don't be consumed by a longing for things to be different.
If you're married, stay married. And don't long to be free from it.
Pick it up in v20, which is a good summary.
”Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. Were you a slave when you were called?” Don't let it trouble you.
Sure, if you're offered your freedom take it, says Paul. But don't let it trouble you. Because you're the Lord's free man anyway.
And the same principle applies:
Were you single when the Lord called you? Then I guess get married if you've got the right opportunity. But don't let it trouble you.
Be content with how things are, instead of chasing after what the world chases after.
Because if there's one thing as Christians that we know, it's that the things of this world aren't the things to be clinging to. Whether marriage. Or ambitions. Or possessions.
So be content. And don't build your life around the wrong stuff. He says, I'm not talking about a matter of sin here.
Just of wisdom. In a world that's passing away, time is short. And the most important thing is wholehearted service of the lord Jesus. So get things in proportion, into correct perspective.
If you're single… use your freedom to serve Jesus more effectively. If you're planning to marry – make sure it's someone who'll encourage you in serving Jesus. Rather than dragging you away from your life in the Lord, as so often happens when people marry unbelievers.
If you're married, your interests are divided. So Paul says if there's any good reason to be single, and if you are wholehearted about gospel service, it maybe more practical.
It's not that it's somehow more spiritual, but maybe a tad more practical.
So while marriage isn't to be looked down on, like the Corinthians are saying, don't worship it either.
So live like the time is short. Live like you've got your bag packed. V29, hold lightly to the things of the world. Whether wives or your happiness or your possessions; don't engross yourself in the things of the world; because it's passing away.
Instead, find your contentment… in serving the Lord Jesus.
Can you do that? I mean, these are hard words, aren't they? In a world that glorifies marriage; that markets sexuality.
Don't make the mistake that marriage and sexuality are somehow wrong. And don't listen to anyone who wants to say otherwise. But at the same time don't elevate it – if you're a single person especially – to being the most important thing. Because it isn't.
So here's the bottom line. We'll leave it with v35, because in all this, it’s good to remember that we're not getting dumped with a set of rules and regulations. But a set of priorities. With one intention. And here it is. For the Corinthians back then. And for you and me now.
V35. Paul says, “I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
